Monday, February 16, 2004

I Just Don't Get It

The Press Speaks:

Scarlett Johansson Wins Top British Award


By MATT WOLF, Associated Press Writer

LONDON - Fantasy epic "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" was named best film at the British Academy Film Awards on Sunday, while "Lost in Translation" co-stars Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson took the top acting honors.
(Clipped from Yahoo Mon Feb 16, 8:17 AM ET)

Jasper Speaks:
Way to go LOTR! But I can not even begin to fathom why ANYONE would even BEGIN to award Lost In Snoozland --- I mean Lost In Translation. I rented this movie over the weekend. It was completely stupid. It was so boring. I sat with my remote in hand constantly on the fast forward button looking for the actual plot to begin. It never did.

So my question is, why is this movie being touted as one of the best of 2004? I think every year there has to be a movie that Hollywood embraces to make the rest of America feel stupid. It exists to make those of us who are not part of the Hollywood elite stop and think, "am I not smart enough or deep enough to understand what this movie is saying?" You see my theory is there is this one guy in Hollywood, we'll call him Lou. Lou is probably a washed up old Hollywood power player. Perhaps he was (or still is) a talent agent or head of a prominent studio. Several years ago, Lou was somehow wronged by the Hollywood community. He was able to dust himself off and make it seem as though he survived the cruelty. However, something in Lou's mind snapped. He is bent on revenge. Every year Lou finds the worst movie made and embraces it. He says I LOVE this film. Then Lou sits back and laughs his fool head off as the lemmings of Hollywood follow suit. Every year Lou gets his revenge by watching how DUMB the Hollywood wackos really can be.

Now this may seem like an elaborate story but trust me Lou must exist. How else can we describe a movie like Lost In Translation being nominated for Best Picture? How else can Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray receive awards and accolades for the most sleep inducing film in recent years? Just a thought. But the next time you are in a dark movie theater or you own living room and realize that you have no idea why ANYONE would think the snoozer of the film that you are suffering through seems to be such a hit with other people, remember poor old Lou and smile as you picture him with a cigar hanging out of the left corner of his mouth, a wicked smile plastered across his face saying, "Gotcha!" Then just chalk it up to revenge getting the better of us all.

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