Sunday, October 22, 2006

Jasper Speaks:

Right now I am in my office at church. What a wild weekend! I took today off fronm teaching school so I could help Kendra get the girls to their first day of daycare. Am I a bad daddy because I was thanking Jesus for the person who invented daycare as we drove away this morning? I can't begin to know what it is like for the girl's mother right now but I felt a very small piece of it today leaving the girls with people I don't know. I think I was much more confident about leaving Nicole than Savanna. Nicole, I have learned, will let you know when she doesn't like something or needs anything. Our baby can't do that so well. It is weird that I am glad to have a little reprieve but kind of miss them too.

Nicole got to talk to her mother last night. It helped and hurt a little. We still had issues with bed --- a lot of issues! But we are thankful that she stayed in her room ALL NIGHT! She slept on the floor and not her bed and I am pretty sure she only stayed there because I slept in the chair in the living room like a Night Security Guard and it intimidated her to stay. I had to have the mean daddy talk with her last night about how the living room was not an option because our apartment is small and if she sleeps there nothing else can really go on in the house. I was stern and today I feel a little bad but I reminded her that we love her very much and that now that we are getting into our routine, she has to start abiding by some structure rules. We will see how that all works out.

Church yesterday was interesting. Nicole tried to sit through the service. She kept saying, "Oh, I want this to be over. I want to LEAVE!" Then, as soon as the service ended and we were walking out she said, "I don't want to go yet!" I was confused. We had a great time at lunch. God bless the BK Playplace. God bless our friend Jessi having two beautiful girls (Kaylie and Lexie) who kept our little girl entertained.

New experiences this week are far too many in number to list. But I have changed a diaper and fed a baby. I have slept with a baby in my arms all night long. I have been called "Dad" for the first time (as odd as that is). I have sat through worship with kids of my own. I have done the girly movie marathon (we have learned to hide the movies so they are easier to limit). I have tried to sing a little girl back to sleep with hymns and choruses at 3:30 in the morning. I have an amazing ability to remember lyrics but under those circumstances I had to grab the hymnal that was on the floor next to me and look up "Because He Lives" because I was only mumbling the words. I was way too tired to remember at that time. There are a lot more firsts that have happened and a lot more to come. This is such an incredible ride. It's a roller coaster. One minute you are loving it all, the next you aren't sure you can survive.

As I was holding Savanna one night this week, I began to think about the spiritual parallels that are abounding around us right now. Just as Savanna needs us to provide for her every need, we need to rely on Christ. I am finding that I am completely overwhelmed with lack of knowledge of how to be a parent. I need to rely on God for strength as regularly (and even more so) as Savanna's feedings. My constant prayer this weekend has been that I can be the type of father that my Heavenly Father is to me. That's not always easy.

I would like to say that there is more going on right now but I am filled to overflowing in kid land. Sadly, it seems I have turned into one of those people with only stories about my kids. I think I have a greater understanding of those people now. Peace out from the happy land of children in daycare and finally adult conversations!

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