So, last night in worship we sang the song Breathe. I blogged a little about it a few days ago. Although I really like the song, I find it hard to sing because I get convicted about what I am saying. To sing, "This is the air I breathe, your holy presence living in me and I am desperate for you and I am lost without you" just isn't always where my heart is. I want it to be there but if I am singing that and not living that, is my worship authentic? I struggled with it a bit last night. At first I just stopped and prayed as everyone else sang. Then I softly began to adjust the lyrics a bit and began singing, "Please be the air that I breathe" and "I want to be desperate for you" and "please make me lost without you." A bit corny maybe, but a lot more indicative of where I was last night spiritually. I want to be honest with God in my worship and I realize that sometimes that means not singing for singing's sake but taking the words to heart. I know that I am completely lost without God's love and guidance but the question that haunts my soul is "do I live like I am lost without Him"? I find myself all too often doing things by my own agenda. I find myself not trusting that God really has a plan. Sure the words are easy enough to say but do I mean them? Will I live them out?
Maybe I am being overly analytical with myself but I am convicted that I don't always add up to what I should before the Lord. I know that true joy comes from trusting. I want to grow so much in 2007. I want to take time and really get to know the Lord in a new way this year. I am praying about how to make that happen. I know that I am sick of being all talk and little action in this area. I want to be a God chaser. I want to stop dwelling on me and start focusing on Him. The enemy is desperate to steal my joy and kill my witness. The sad thing is, I think sometimes I let him. Yes, I want God's very Word to live in me but will I do what I must to make sure that happens?