Friday, May 08, 2009

Jasper Speaks:

Something light for your Friday:


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's
take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so
I also handed her a quarter..
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,
'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my
request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're
sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at MickeyD's.


We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a
'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said
that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2
horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4
horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,
'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Sears repair since..


I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the

removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many
deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to cross"
From Kingman , KS


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered
a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal
lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

To which I replied, 'If it was without my
knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded,

'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked
in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the
passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi


They walk among us... and the scary part is
that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

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